Twelve days ago, the Bug From Hell invaded my house. Nine days ago, it invaded me. In the since time, being greatly sidelined by a nasty asthma flare-up, I've gone virtually nowhere with one exception. My husband packed me up and took me to my in-laws house to watch the first half of the Super Bowl. The getting ready and 15 minute ride exhausted me.
The Candy Man came through (in the form of my pulmonologist calling new scrips to the pharmacy for me) and Hunky Man did another wonderful hunky thing by making a special trip to pick them up for me last night. So with all sorts of nebulized vapors that make my hands flap like fish on the bank and fresh steroids coursing through my system, I'm getting ready to take on the world again. As soon as the steroids kick in, that is. Any day now. I'll know when that is because I'll be stuck to the ceiling at 4 a.m. and my family will be plotting my early demise. Steroids make me a little crazy. But they also make me breathe, and that is a wonderful thing.
I've learned a few things during this bout of illness. Some things I already knew and others are scary bald truths...
The universal knowledge of a Mom on the Mend...I'm the only person that lives in this house that truly cares if it's clean. No one else even noticed the filth up to the rafters. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. They want me to be happy so they clean up. I guess that's a good thing. I can't bear to think about the flip side. *shiver*
Daytime TV can be very inspiring, but also a sad and scary place. Feeling the need to adventure to places unknown in the only manner available to me (considering I couldn't pay attention to the written word,) I watched a lot of shows I've never seen. I sat with remote in hand and mouth agape.
On the inspiring side, thanks to HGTV, I'm now an expert in the area of home staging and getting any property, no matter how awful, sold. I'm still in shock that so many people actually offer their homes up for sale in such shoddy condition. Have they no self respect? Just call me, I'll be right over, tell you hard-to-hear truths, then whip your property into shape and we'll have an offer within a half hour.
As much as I love my awesome husband, I must admit that my feelings for Mike Rowe have deepened. I can add to that a new crush on the Allstate "Mayhem" guy, Scott McGillivray of Income Property and Holmes, the overalled Canadian fix-it-and-make-it-all-better-for-the-damsel-in-distress remodeler guy. Who knew that Canada is apparently teeming with hunky remodeler men? I've been enjoying my northern neighbors immensely.
I could take my newfound skill at guessing the chosen house on House Hunters to Vegas and make some big bucks. I never knew I had all these previously undiscovered talents!
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills has convinced me that truly, The End Is Near. Those people have constructed ancient Babylon in their own lives. This may sound judgmental, but I don't really care...
So these 'housewives' in Beverly Hills live a 100% self centered existence in trumped up flamboyant wealth, starve themselves until they are bone-protuberantly skinny, have repeated plastic surgery to look like someone they're not, keep company with vicious back-biters, then wonder why they can't find happiness?? And people watch this garbage regularly? I felt like I needed to take a shower after watching one episode. This housewife feels she has some advice for them on how to be happy. They should listen up...
Ditch the Land of Lies and move to Pittsburgh (or any other normal place all across the world.) Get a regular job. Have a piece of pie. Make friends with someone that has jiggly thighs. Shovel your elderly neighbor's walk every time it snows...before you do your own. Make some meatloaf and mashed potatoes for dinner. (Pack a plate of it up and take it to that elderly neighbor while you're at it.) Make up with your kids if you yell at them. Call your parents. Clean up after yourself. Do something for somebody else just because it's the right thing to do. For Pete's sake, stop buying all kinds of stuff you don't need. Really read the Bible. You'll be amazed what you'll learn about yourself in there. Don't cheat on your spouse. Ever.
And count your blessings every single day.
Cheers,
Donna
Hahaha, gf, you are a hoot. I'm so sorry you've been so sick and no, you are SO not the only woman living with Neanderthals. Sometimes my frustration with being hardly noticed just threatens to blow up and hurt all nearby..did I mention the Neanderthals?
ReplyDeleteI love your witty writing style and will be checking back to see what you're posting about. Daily normal stuff is fun to read about. It's different from my daily, normal stuff. *g*
Just wanted to say that once our pastor pointed out to us ladies how the women in the old testament lived. They lived in sort of communes, all huts around a center courtyard, with all the women taking care of each other, old through young, and the men only being around after work. Women relied on the other women for support.
You just won't get it from those manly men. And I don't think I _want_ my husband that _sensitive_ anyway. Hahaha!
So just keep those women friends near and dear, share when you need to, and we'll boost each other up just like in the old days. *g*
Huggles dear lass! And some vibes and prayers for your Dad too.
Marcie said exactly what I was thinking.. I love your witty writing style, and your take on everyday life.. If I weren't so scattered I could think up some prettier words, but meh.. you get the point. :-) Love ya!
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